Television Break

Quick, what color are her eyes? Christina Hendricks and some vintage undergarments play head secretary Joan Holloway on AMC's "Mad Men" every Sunday evening.

What's on TV?

I must say, I've not been watching as much tube as in years past. We're not paying for HBO or Showtime or Cinemax, so series like Hung and Weeds and Entourage aren't on the DVR. What have I been watching?

• MadMen, AMC: Back for the third season. The show's moved ahead to 1963, and the firm has been sold to the Brits, who don't know what to do with it. Dick is still scum. Peggy is asserting herself not only in the office, but in her personal life as well. And Joan. . .well, she's as Joan-o-licous as ever. Hoo-ya!
• Trailer Park Boys: From the Canadian Maritimes comes a "docudrama" about the dysfunctional members of a trailer park, with all the tatooed tramps, drunks, drug addicts and miscreants you'd expect. Exclusively on Channel 101 with DirecTV. I just stumbled onto the show with an episode where the boys attend a model railroad show, where Guns N'Roses guitarist Sebastian Bach was the featured guest. The boys ran off with the highly-prized "Patrick Swayze Express" model train which they later used to smuggle pot into the U.S. Okay--doesn't make much sense. But trust me, it was HI-larious.
• MLB network: All baseball, all the time. Classic games, documentaries, games of the week, clinics as well as prime-time updates and analysis of games in progress. It's turned me into a basebal junkie.

The Trailer Park Boys. That's Bubbles in the middle, the model railroader of the group. Gee, could ya guess?

Now Playing on DirecTV

Meanwhile, i've taken up the pursuit of reading the Porno Movie listings on the DirecTV program guide each day. It's. . .well, er, I'll just call it interesting. It takes real talent to distill the essence of a movie to just a dozen words or so, but I'm guessing these descriptions are pretty accurate. I'm not making these up. Today on DirecTV, for instance:

• Strap on Adventures :The tight bond between girlfriends is explored.
• 34DD: Big & Natural : Sexy tarts reveal giant, juicy and silicone-free boobs.
• Bouncing Wet Boobies 3: These mammoth mammaries give men a solid case of a boob-o-vision.
• Latinas Like It Hard! : Succulent Latinas want you to stuff their spicy tacos with meat.
• Black Booty Pounding 2: Women with great rears shake them for a guys enjoyment.
• 6 Tight Latinas Banged Hard : Chicks with plump, round butts and pole-smoking lips want hard-core sex.
• Dirty First Timers 3: These first-timers are nervous and a big stud can be intimidating.
• Make Her Scream 4: Woman who are louder than the headboard hitting the wall.
• All Massive Asses 4: Six horny sluts bounce their huge butts on some lucky meat.
• Big Breasted Teens 12: Teen queens have huge racks that men dream of.
• 40 n Over MILFs: Loose and wild cougars reach their sexual peak.
• Big Game Profiles--Utah Elk :The results from a great bow tag in a hot unit known for big bulls.
• Western Kentucky Whitetails: Senior editor Karen Mehall is in a ground blind, hunting whitetail.
• The Wild Outdoors--Gun Season: Tammi Gregory has several encounters with some really great bucks.
• Wild and Raw: Marcus Luttrell brings his buddies to New Orleans for some Mardi Gras and Nutria hunting, Cajun style.

Okay, so I lied. Those last four are descriptions from outdoors sports show. . .but somehow, they blend in pretty well with the more salacious films. There must be some truth to those that call such shows "hunter porn."


We're fatter at night. . .

No wonder I've gained weight working graveyard shift over the past 8 years--food eaten in the middle of the night will make you fatter, compared to if you'd eaten the same food during daylight hours. According to a new study, anyway. No wonder we're all packing on the pounds at work. This adds to findings in other studies that finds that night shift workers are more prone to diabetes and heart disease.