Coming soon to my backyard. . .
Among with fans of "American Idol," "Dancing With The Stars," and "Super-Extreme Home Makeover", another group of assholes I'd just like to dump into a vat of boiling oil are the NIMBYS. So, as a big mistake looms on the horizon of my tract-home paradise, it truly pains me to admit I'm screaming "Not in MY Backyard!"
Now, I'll admit, sometimes NIMBY positions have merit. But working for a railroad, I hear a lot about those poor, unfortunate folks who purchase homes 100 feet from busy railroad tracks and then, unable to sleep because the trains in their backyard make a racket, expend waaaay too much energy trying to get the railroad company to, oh, you know, maybe not run their trains at night. Or during the day, when baby's asleep. A neighborhood in Bend, Oregon, is tired of trains idling throughout the night near their cul-de-sacs. Sorry, the rails have been there for 75 years. . did you expect them to magically disappear when your McMansion was built nearby? Over near Yuma, Arizona, in a desert--a DESERT, for God's Sake!--folks are upset because Union Pacific plans to build a freight yard deemed necessary by the area's booming economy. The planned facility isn't in town, mind you, but a couple dozen miles away. . .and, it seems, folks in a trailer park are upset because it will destroy their pristine view of the desert landscape (wonder if anyone complained when they started parking their Aluminum-and-Plywood homes on wheels out there).
Then ya got your NIMBYS in Seattle, who will bitch and moan about anything. The realities of life are always getting in their way up there; they come from out of state, raise the housing prices so much that the natives can't afford to live there anymore, then have the nerve to complain that the new freeway/airport/light-rail will ruin their quality of life. Their solution? Bike paths--spend hundreds of millions of dollars on bike paths that no one really uses for anything but recreation. Oh, the new roads are okay, as long as it'll cut down their transit time to a Starbucks.
The targets of such NIMBYs are usually transportation--something we desperately need more of in this great country of ours. But these simple-minded, self-centered few fail to see the big picture--that unless our country can MOVE, we're screwed. It's bad enough we have a fifth-rate education system in this country, or that all our jobs are moving overseas--without mobility, our country can't function. It's not as if these folks are all upset about something we can all agree upon as being a folly and a first-rate bit of idiocy. . something like. . . .an indoor ski resort!
YA GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. . .
Yep, let's throw one of those up in someone's backyard--how about mine?--and the NIMBYs will REALLY come out. And, it appears, this is the plan of a group called Bearfire Resorts, LLC, who've been toying with the idea of building a super-colossal ski resort/spa/corporate retreat/ice cave/shopping center/hotel complex out on the flat-ass searing-hot prairies of North Texas. Right now, they're being kinda coy as to where they want to site this monstrosity. Originally, it looked like they wanted to build it in Dallas, but then they came to the realization that NOTHING gets done in Dallas, ever. Then, if you check their website, it looked for a time like it would be "between Dallas and Fort Worth airports"--whereever that is (Arlington?),but now prominently mentioned is the area between Alliance Airport and Texas Motor Speedway. I don't like the sound of this. . . at all. It's not exactly in our backyard, but a few miles up I-35W (much closer to my fellow blogger Whiskey, Texas' place).
Traffic out here is bad enough without putting this Disneyland-on-Ice for the well-to-do out here. You know there's going to be money under the table to the politicians--Bearfire has proudly announced that Dick Armey, Republican power-hitter, has signed on to twist a few arms to get this thing built. All we need now is Kay Granger Bailey Hutchinson and her son with the Army Corps of Engineers, and we're all set!
And "this thing" ain't little. "(It) will feature ski slopes spread over a total ski-able area of an unbelievable 650,000 square feet. Additionally, Bearfire Resort will include a 600-room hotel, a convention center, and a world-class spa at the base of the ski mountain," according to the project's website. The mountain itself will be over 250-feet tall and cover 35 acres, presumably under a roof. Can you imagine how much energy this thing will consume? And the developers claim it will be "environmentally friendly. . . "
PASS ME THE CRACK PIPE. . .
Much to the relief of Coloradoans, who are tired of dealing with Texans, "Bearfire Resort will bring the charm and sport of an alpine skiing village to the heart of Texas. The resort’s main attraction will be its outdoor ski and snowboard mountain, complete with ski runs, chair lifts, competition half-pipes, toboggans, snow tubing, and ski caves. Fun for families will include ice rinks, rides, a snowy winter wonder-park for children, an outdoor concert venue, and opportunities for rock climbing. " And what about those among us who are too fat and lazy to ski? Bearfire has that all figured out: "To appeal to the less athletically inclined—or the merely pleasantly exhausted --Bearfire also will offer several retail and fine dining experiences." Shopping. . .the obese Texan's triathlon!
Tacky, tacky, tacky. Of course it'd be perfect for North Texas. . .
It gets better: " When complete, this man-made mountain range will rank among the world’s largest buildings, so of course it is no surprise that this project is unfolding in Texas, the land where everything is bigger and better." Bigger, perhaps, not necessarily better. Among the world's LARGEST buildings? Do we NEED this monstrosity in our area?
Sure we do! Especially if you can write-off using the thing on your expense account. Get a load of this bunch of horseshit: "In a world where businesses can no longer rest on the plateaus of past performance, companies must develop teams that are prepared to climb higher, explore new summits and perform at peak efficiency - every day. . .We elevate the performance of business teams by blending cutting edge adventures with creative business workshops into challenging corporate retreat team building adventures. Our role at Bearfire is not to provide the answers, but to act as a catalyst for change. . ."
Now, I gave up smoking dope a long time ago, but apparently these developers are still heavily into it--or they expect their customers to be: "Lone Star @ Mid-Mountain is situated at the heart of the action high on Glacier Peak, providing incredible mountain views, and is easily accessed from the funicular at the base of the mountain. Dinner in Bearfire Resort’s mountain-top Lone Star is a magical experience. View the twinkling lights of the village below and the Fort Worth skyline, feel the warmth of family and friends as you dine together nestled in the towering pine trees amidst the sparkling excitement of the night skiing guests. " Towering Pine Trees? A Funicular? Incredible Mountain Views? Twinkling Lights of A Village Below?
"The addition of the world class hotel and spa, larger ski slopes, a retail village and other new amenities to Bearfire Group’s master plan will no doubt enhance the overall guest experience and make Bearfire Resort a must-visit destination for families, vacationers and corporate events. " At least, until the NEXT great destination faux ski resort is opened, then this mega-super-cool resort can close its doors, write off their losses, and leave for greener pastures, no doubt leaving local government--and us taxpayers--holding the bag.
Leave the Fantasyland to Dubai. The Shieks there can afford it. We in North Texas can't. I'd imagine this thing will eventually be built. . . the mayor already has a hard-on for it that Viagra couldn't rival. The politicians here will be wanting this thing like the mousey wife wanted Uncle Rico's miniature sailing ship in "Napoleon Dynamite." Here come more Tax Breaks, you can bet on it. Like Jerry Jones' billion-dollar cathedral to football going up in Arlington, I'm going to guess that the average resident of Tarrant County won't begin to be able to afford skiing on the slopes of this monstrosity.